Jimmy Buffet Story
won't be a rant about other stupid people, this is me ranting about
my-stupid-self. We all have faults...most people don't want to admit
it, but they do. I can admit it, I'm not to proud to admit I have
faults. Today, we talk about my alcoholism.
is it about alcohol that I love so much? I just can't figure out
why I like it and why I can't seem to stay away from it. I went
to my first Jimmy Buffet concert last week and I think I was hung
over for 4 solid days. The guys I went to the concert with are telling
me all these stories about the things I did at the concert and I
don't remember any of it. At some point, some ugly chicks (or maybe
they were guys) gave me some Mardi Gras beads, but I apparently
I gave them away later on. I don't recall. How about we do a list?
A list of thing I don't recall from the Buffet concert. I don't
Falling off Stephen's tailgate into the mud, then rolling around
like a turtle on my back.
2) Giving away my beads. (I'm still pissed about that! Isn't it
a rule that you must see boobs before you give up the beads?!)
3) Going in the concert. I remember arriving at the parking lot
and drinking for 2 hours, but I don't recall going into the concert
4) Taking my shoes off. They wouldn't let me in the concert without
shoes! (Big ups to Tony for getting my shoes! Love you man!)
5) When it started to rain. It rained like a big fuzzy biotch! At
one point I thought we were going to be flooded! It was cool.
6) Why I let Tony talk me onto pissing myself. (No letters on that,
7) A bunch of chicks drinking the alcohol I brought! SHIT! If hookers
are gonna drink my hooch, I want something in return!
8) What the Air Force chicks name was. She was cute. I tried flirting
with her, but I was SO damn drunk she probably thought I was speaking
Mandarin Chinese or something.
9) Why in the hell I was dancing in the rain with Tony! My father
would have shat in his pants if he saw me dancing with a guy! Not
to mention TONY!
10) Where all those girls came from when I was dancing with Tony.
They were very cute!
11) The songs Buffet played. I hear he puts on a great show. Sure
wish I could have been there to see it.
12) How much I drank. I only recall my first drink: a 12 oz Coke
can, filled with rum & no coke. I remember none of the ones
13) Why in hell I went out to a bar afterwards. I was already drunk
as hell, what the hell was I doing at a bar?
14) Who's fucking brilliant idea it was to go dancing after we went
to the bar. I don't dance...it's a rule. I was dancing THAT night,
15) Who in the hell passed me that cigar and why in the hell I was
16) Where I got that bumper sticker from and how it ended up in
my back pocket. I'm hoping a chick put it there and was feeling
up my ass! I doubt it though.
damnit! There are times when I black out and I have no idea what
the hell I am doing. For all I know I could be running around, naked,
with my thumb up my butt screaming, "Look at me! I'm digging
for gold!" I'm actually seriously concerned that I might go
running off at the mouth at some big dude and he beats the shit
out of me. I just don't want to get all drunk, black out, and then
start telling people what I think of them. Like telling Tony he's
a flaming homo, telling Stephen he's a dumb pollock, and calling
Mikey a fat bastard. Hey...the truth hurts! (I love you guys!)
not going to get into the moral aspect of drinking and the effects
on yer body...yada yada yada. I'm not gonna beat a dead horse. All
I'm saying is I tend to drink myself stupid. I drink until I black
out, and then I drink some more. No one is there to monitor me,
except me...and I'm irresponsible! I can't be left alone with important
stuff...like babies, or dishes, or laundry, or alcohol. I'm 25,
but I haven't grown out of my teens yet, I guess. I have to blame
all this on old age. The older I get, the less I can hang with the
boys. I still drink like I'm 17 years old. Back then I was doing
straight Vodka, Rum, Gin, Zima, and anything else I could get my
hands on. Often times I'd mix in a few pain killers, just for added
effect. (Note: Kids, don't try this at home! Painkillers and alcohol
don't mix. This should only be attempted by professional junkies.)
Now that I'm an old bastard, I can't party like that anymore....but
you can't tell me that DURING the party! It's not until it's too
late that I realize that I'm old and can't drink like I did back
in the day.
yeah yeah...whatever. Get to the point!" you say? Well...the
point is: Ah shit...I forgot what the point is! All I know is that
I drink, I get drunk, I pass out/black out. What happens after I
black out is a mystery. It's a wonder I'm not dead after some of
these parties I've been to. For example, I've awakened: with my
head in a toilet, hanging off a 3rd floor balcony, driving my car
(yeah, I know!), in bed with chicks I never met, in bed with my
best friend and his girlfriend, face down on a pier in the rain,
face up on a porch in the dead of winter, and in MY bed with no
idea how I got there!
not happy with the results of all this drinking, but the feeling
I get from the alcohol offsets that. Anyway, I just thought I'd
share this with everyone since I PROMISED myself, and everyone else,
I wasn't going to drink this holiday weekend...and I did anyway.
rant will be coming soon...check back here soon.